The In-N-Out in Alameda, CA is like no other restaurant I have ever been to. Tonight (October 14, 2024) has me wondering what I saw.
I live with a coop and had just cleaned up a community event called Queer Bedtime Stories. It was nice and quiet and had me hungry after the fact. So I did what any neurodivergent going through burnout would do: go to a fast food restaurant. Even if it took the same amount of minutes to drive and order than to actually cook something. Fast food restaurants have something going for it that at-home meals don't: driving. You can drive and put some distance between you and the day you just had.
The parking lot was pretty quiet once I arrived. There was a group of people outside. Not a crazy thing to see on a Thursday, but still noticeable.
I walked into the building and then the Noise happened. There was a group of high schoolers in front of me wearing cheap suits. One of them had a green hat that said "Cena approved."
They take a while to order. This gives me time to look around and see that the entire place is filled with high schoolers. I could count the number of people over 20 on my hand. And most of them were working behind the counter.
The girl behind the counter has this thousand yard stare that fast food cashiers learn early on. I was once among those ranks, and can spot that look a mile away. Or is it a thousand. I'm too tired to make puns.
She starts the casual "Hey how're you" business, to which I respond. I'm careful with it because I once came in and said something stupid like "You look as tired as I feel." I don't know where that came from and I feel bad every time I see this lady so I try never to hold an actual conversation with her. My predictable burger orders are the safe confines of my guilt and I dare not stray.
I give my order: A number two. No onions. For here, yes. I confirm my order and thank her and leave for the drink machine.
There is no order here. There is only chaos with body oder. There is... some kid in a cheesy Daphne costume with a neon green tie (she doesn't wear one... why?) is hanging out with at least a dozen other people taking over the booths in the center of the restaurant like a bunch of "cool kids."
Next in the line from hell I see several people with I can only describe (and rather poorly) are bald caps. One of them has hand-drawn a blue arrow on the top of it and her arms.
"Oh no," I exclaim. "They're the Avatar..."
I've sat down. The only seat available to me is next to the drink machine. It had someone in a red skirt and black top sitting there, but she disappeared like a ghost.
Maybe the realm between the living and the dead have already thinned. After all, there's a super moon out tonight. I think it's called the Hunter Moon...
The people in bald caps slap each other one by one like it's a form of greeting. They continue to do this as they wait in line. The girl who took my order now has a two thousand yard stare. An impressive feat, truly.
My order is finally called out, alongside five other dine-in and to-go orders. We almost can't see the difference. It's a sea of fries in all the chaos.
As I bite into my burger I decide to put in my noise cancelling headphones and listen to a podcast. But that thought is stopped when the cool kids start clapping and applauding. Several phones are out. Daphne with a tie has a shit eating grin as a friend proclaims, "He's coming out! He's coming out! Everybody!"
I stare in horror and second-hand embarrassment as my stomach growls at me to keep eating.
The discount Avatar group has sat down behind me and decides now is the time to wish someone happy birthday. It is midnight, after all. Gotta get in the well-wishes early I suppose. After that, they keep themselves busy by shouting out the four elements and reminding themselves that they're all the Avatar.
I look over at the line. It's finally dying down. I see more suits. These look like there was a little more money put into them. I see pin stripe. I decide to leave when I see a young lady with voluminous frizzy black hair, a smiling round face sitting on top of a white shirt and blazer that looks pretty good with her pin stripe pants. It just feels like a full circle moment for some reason.
My burger was fine but the fries left a lot to be desired. That's fine, I just need to leave because the stomach is no longer yelling at me. The screaming, hooping, and hollering has yet to stop, though.
I look up at the counter one last time and see that the lady who took my order is no longer there.
It's 12:15am. I get up.
Someone in a dog costume walks past me. I get a refill next ot the hand-drawn Avatar lady. And I step through the double door of the Alameda In-N-Out.
And the noise is contained. It does not escape. I am alone, starting to get cold, looking up at the Hunters Moon. It's a little bit closer to Halloween, but the costumes and shenanigans are already here.
I just survived a fast food restaurant in the middle of the night during the full moon of October.
