I promised myself that I would make these posts more consistent. And yet here I am, close to two months after the last post. My head is swarming with anxieties aplenty. Not least of which is because I picked up my life and moved the hell out of Memphis and Tennessee entirely.
I decided to move to California. I’ve heard many opinions and reasons to go or stay for several months. But I’ve moved nonetheless. Part of this anxiety is because I had hoped to get tested for Autism. That unfortunately feels less likely now. It’s expensive as hell for one. For another, it’s become more conservative because some directors believe it’s being over diagnosed. Which I think is horse shit. But there are also dozens of bills across the country that have me worried in other ways that makes this insanity swirl around my head. Some days I’m amazed I get any sleep.
Then there’s where to find housing. And I’ve made the decision to follow my dream as a full time writer. And I don’t have enough HRT medication to last me until I find a new clinic for refills. I’ve felt like I’m abandoning all of my friends. I haven’t posted anything for my podcast in literal months. And a job interview for something I applied for over two months ago…
But I have some solace. I am reading. Reading books in between searching and writing. One such book is by John Green that has me realize that I am not the only one with such terrible worries and anxieties. The Anthropocene Reviewed is a collection of short essays that delve into products and concepts alike. He reviews them at the end. But they are more than that. Each review gives us a bit more insight into the mind of John Green. I’ve just read the one on decathlons, which felt the most memoir yet.
Reading about his anxieties and distracting myself from my own seems to calm me down. I even want to start reviewing things as I get more accustomed to the Bay Area and everything it has to offer. I don’t have the same writing style as John Green, and my humor is vastly different from his as well. But this is something I could also do on a more regular basis.
And this feels like one more thing I can stress out about. But I am in a new place (world it feels like) and this is the best time and place to begin new habits and stick with them. A new sense of normalcy. Which is something I’ve craved for a very long time.
Though I’m not finished reading The Anthropocene Reviewed yet, I would still like this to be the first thing I review in California. With John Green’s witticisms, insights, and tempered opinions on every subject at hand, I give this anxiety-induced book 4.5 stars.